Top 5 with Beef

by Mike

Bringing the Top 5 back with the funniest man on the internet, Beef!

Beef, Beefcore, Beefy....Lee. Just some of the names Beef goes by. If you ask him he'll probably give you a load of other names he'll answer too. A self pro-claimed 'pig of the night', Beef is also one of our favourite artists with a penchant for social commentary that hits right on the nose every time, twice. Just have a scroll on his Insta for more, or buy one of his excellent books here.

Not only is Beef talented with pens and pencils, he's quite a wordsmith too. Imagine if Bukowski was from Blackwood, that's Beef. As such, his accompanying words and reasons for his choices are probably the best we've ever had.

Heath Kirchart – Stay Gold (DVD Easter Egg)

Can’t really say much about this one? Its fucking Heath Kirchart. Only this type of man can wear an all-white outfit and still 100% be guaranteed to make you feel inferior to him in all aspects of your life.

Heath, like Dylan Rieder, naturally had the unique and moody ‘tortured genius’ style way before the most recent generation of, ‘tucking in a plain white t-shirt into black skinny jeans, monochrome photo taking, limp wristed, crap rollie making’ bell ends started doing it in a vain attempt to get laid by accompanying a shit black and white Instagram photo with a vague cryptic quote about roses or time, all done with the emotional complexity of a condom in a puddle. If Dylan Rieder was Luke Skywalker, Heath was Obi Wan………and anyone trying to replicate either of them ends up looking like Jah Jah Binks on a scooter wearing a Primark onesie.

This section completely solidifies him retiring at the top of his game.

Jon Dickson – The Deathwish Video 

I absolutely love Jon Dickson. In a world with 46,000 types of gender, Jon Dickson doesn’t brag about or isn’t afraid of being the ultimate man. Tough and stylish yet probably doesn’t own a mirror.

I’m pretty convinced he’s an American Vietnam veteran that was kept frozen until the 2000’s as a last ditch attempt to keep the purest form as masculinity alive in a time where everyone is an emotional fisherman and bragging points are awarded to whoever can be the most upset about the most things on the internet. To me, this part summarises all of the above. He should advertise cigarettes on the sly, even if he doesn’t smoke.

Matt Pritchard – Anthems

Despite looking remarkably old and haggard, I’m actually one skate generation behind the Welsh legends we all know and love that laid the path down for us. I grew up in Blackwood until my teens and there were probably three or four skateboarders in total. Between us, we pretty much had two VHS videos; Toy Machine’s ‘Welcome to Hell’ and Panic/Blueprint’s ‘Anthems’ and they both got played to death. I bought both of them from City Surf too and still have the original yellow bag somewhere. Knowing Pritch was Welsh made him our hero at the time, especially as we went to watch a Panic demo somewhere and he wasn’t even skating, he was lying next to one of the ramps bolting a can of Stella. Made a lot more sense when I got to know him a few years down the line. This part is still ridiculous now and at the time it was ground-breaking stuff. FUCKING WALES MUN.

Garrett Hill – Feel Free

This entire video (by Aleks Lewandowski) seemed to slip under most people’s radars. I think it’s an absolute masterpiece though, especially Garrett Hill’s part.  The entire video feels like its filmed through a smelly bong, filled with pond water but it’s actually part of its charm. I think I’m drawn to this section because Garrett Hill always reminds me of a unique type of mosher that existed around 2003-2006 in Newport. They wore tight jeans, white studded belts and were always no more than 3 minutes away from contracting chlamydia at any time from girls wearing studded or ‘Gizmo’ bags. I see these type of guys around Newport and Cwmbran now and again and they haven’t aged well, they always look like dog shit and have a kid that’s about 13 years old. Garrett Hill however seems to be doing ok.

Corey Duffel – Downtown Lights

Corey Duffel. What a brilliant lunatic. With insane video parts being dropped on you daily in the last few years, everything is becoming normalised when it shouldn’t be.  Most sections seem the same to me nowadays, super unachievable to the normal human (especially a washed up 37 year old with steamed broccoli strength ankles and the liver of George Best’s ghost).  

This however, seems to encompass things that I found fun when I first started skating and still find fun now, just bombing about a city at night on your own at night, wondering if people still hate you because you said a stupid thing many years ago.

Bonus: Milton Martinez - Demolicion

There can never be another best of, favourites list or collection of skateboard parts from now until the end of time that doesn’t feature this. You see something different every time you watch it that instantly makes you want to put your board in the bin and beg for your Argentinian rebirth but with one tenth of the plums this fucking lunatic has. I’ve been waiting for years for someone to put a section to Los Saicos – Demolicion, it couldn’t have accompanied anything more fitting if it tried.

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